The changes continue

So, I'm approaching eight months in NY and am facing my third move since I've been here! I've been at my current apartment for three weeks. The second week I was here, the landlord told me that my current roommate hasn't paid rent in a while and that I'm not allowed to be living here. She had a boyfriend living with her at this apartment, so I'm not sure why I'm not allowed to live here. I'm searching for a studio apartment but affordable places do not include the Astoria area. I've made a lot of friends in Astoria and have a boyfriend that lives near here but realistically I can't afford an apartment in this area.</p>
<p>I've got a second job cooking in the Hamptons for the summer. Its helped my income a lot and I'm having a great time out there. While I'm working there I'm staying in an apartment above the restaurant. Imagine six cooks and a bartender living together. Its more fun than we should be allowed to have. In the morning we stumble downstairs and go to work. After our shifts and after a lot of drinking, we find ourselves back in the restaurant kitchen in pajamas at 4am cooking burgers for ourselves. The joke is that the place is like summer camp for us cooks. I hope to be a part of it through September. </p>
<p>In the meantime, I'm trying to stay positive and not worry so much about everything. I hate not having a solid place to live and of course money is still a concern. I even worry about the guy I'm dating and if we're compatible enough. I need to learn to let go of the stresses and enjoy life for what it is. </p>
<p>I'm tempted to find a really cool job that combines my culinary and marketing experience. Something unique to NY. I moved to this city for opportunity, not to be just a line cook like I was in Tampa. I feel like my current job is a stepping stone. I'm getting closer to what I ultimately want to do. I love food but I miss the interaction with people.

My journey is in full swing here in NY. Sometimes I have to dig really deep to find the courage to keep going and not let the stress get to me. It's a weekly battle but I think I'm winning.

Seven months

Six days ago I hit the seven month mark of living in NY! In some ways it went by quickly; in other ways it feels like I've been in NY for a long time.

I've learned a lot in the past seven months. The first time being away from my hometown, my family and all of my friends changed me a bit. I'm currently in Florida visiting my family and my mom said I seem a lot quieter than I used to be. I have a friend that said I seem stronger. I think all of my subway rides amongst strangers that don't talk to one another taught me to keep to myself more. Also living with someone I had never met before and working 80 hours per week my first two months taught me to keep to myslef more. Being stuck with my thoughts and being completly exauhausted probably made me stronger too. I never depended much on my family and friends but being alone in a city like NY does something to you.

Seeing all the families on vacation and the lovers holding hands made me a little bitter and hardend me a bit and I think I carried that along with me. Not that its a bad thing but it did change me. I also got a hard time at my first restaurant where I worked for being from Tampa, so that was another little layer that got built within me.

In all honesty, I do feel very different. Being here in FL makes it more apparent to me. I feel a little out of place because I've been gone from everyone's daily lives. I feel like my life is very separate and far away from theirs. That makes me sad but I guess that's what happens when you move far away.

I keep asking myself why I moved. I moved for the reasons that most people move, for a better opportunity and advancement in my career, to change my life, to embark on a new adventure, to prove to myself that I can really acccomplish anything I want. I want to keep reminding myself the whole point of all of this. I'm happy but still not 100% happy. I'm not sure if anyone is and if this is an attainable goal. I wonder if there's something missing in my life. Would being a mom make me entirely happy? I'm 31, this is a realistic thought in my head. Is a career rewarding enough to provide that happiness that I'm looking for? These are the questions that I ask myself weekly as I watch the weeks roll by on the calendar.

Do I think about life too much?