Seven months

Six days ago I hit the seven month mark of living in NY! In some ways it went by quickly; in other ways it feels like I've been in NY for a long time.

I've learned a lot in the past seven months. The first time being away from my hometown, my family and all of my friends changed me a bit. I'm currently in Florida visiting my family and my mom said I seem a lot quieter than I used to be. I have a friend that said I seem stronger. I think all of my subway rides amongst strangers that don't talk to one another taught me to keep to myself more. Also living with someone I had never met before and working 80 hours per week my first two months taught me to keep to myslef more. Being stuck with my thoughts and being completly exauhausted probably made me stronger too. I never depended much on my family and friends but being alone in a city like NY does something to you.

Seeing all the families on vacation and the lovers holding hands made me a little bitter and hardend me a bit and I think I carried that along with me. Not that its a bad thing but it did change me. I also got a hard time at my first restaurant where I worked for being from Tampa, so that was another little layer that got built within me.

In all honesty, I do feel very different. Being here in FL makes it more apparent to me. I feel a little out of place because I've been gone from everyone's daily lives. I feel like my life is very separate and far away from theirs. That makes me sad but I guess that's what happens when you move far away.

I keep asking myself why I moved. I moved for the reasons that most people move, for a better opportunity and advancement in my career, to change my life, to embark on a new adventure, to prove to myself that I can really acccomplish anything I want. I want to keep reminding myself the whole point of all of this. I'm happy but still not 100% happy. I'm not sure if anyone is and if this is an attainable goal. I wonder if there's something missing in my life. Would being a mom make me entirely happy? I'm 31, this is a realistic thought in my head. Is a career rewarding enough to provide that happiness that I'm looking for? These are the questions that I ask myself weekly as I watch the weeks roll by on the calendar.

Do I think about life too much?