New Beginnings and New Endings

I just got back from New York and while there I got a ride in a limo, met my new roommate, saw a comedy show, sang karaoke, made a few new friends (it's official, we're Facebook friends) and drank too much. I'd say it was a successful trip! In my one day of visiting, I never set foot in Manhattan and I was completely ok with that. Astoria is going to be my new home and I had a great time exploring it during the day and night. I saw Irish pubs with men standing out front just like the ones you see in the movies; sweat pants on, t-shirt and a look on their faces that dares you to fuck with them. I heard conversations with New York accents so thick it didn't sound like they were speaking English. We wandered past Brazilian stores, Arabic hookah bars (men only) and then Steinway St which has a Taco Bell, KFC, Starbucks, Express and New York & Co. What a mix! This is what I love about New York.

Now I am back in Brandon for three weeks and with that the stress and reality of it all is in full force. I'm trying hard to not form new friendships and relationships. I'm trying to get my feelings under control in a relationship that will never be; trying to not encourage someone's feelings for me because that too is a relationship that will never be. I'm trying not to think about the fact that I have no clue as to when the next time I'll be back to visit my family is. I've adopted the habit of secretly saying goodbye to everyone every time I look at their faces and when I drive through town, I try to take it all in as an attempt to store everything as a memory in some corner of my brain. I hear the clock ticking...3 weeks....2 weeks....1 week...

I'm in such a strange place right now. Half of me is shaking with excitement about my new job, exploring the city and the new friends I'm going to make. The other half of me is sad to leave the people here, to not be able to pursue things here because I'm leaving. I'm physically living in Brandon, FL but I can't really live life here because it's going to end.....3 weeks....tick-tock.