Cunt

Well, here I am...ten years later. When I began this I was getting divorced, moving to NYC and starting my career to cook professionally. Now, ten years later, I'm getting divorced again, moving back to Florida and hoping to revive my cooking career. I seriously can't make this shit up! I've been in a relationship with my current, soon to be ex husband since meeting in 2012. We dated until May 2014 and broke up until Jan 2015. He had an alcohol monitoring bracelet around his ankle when I met him, charming, I know. Honestly, he was so different than my first ex-husband. This guy was a loud New Yorker with a I don't give a fuck attitude. I liked that he had been in trouble because I always felt that if I wouldn't have been married from the age of 23-30, I probably would've gotten myself in trouble too! He was facing some charges and always managed to get out of doing jail time by going to rehab. Needless to say, I spent Thanksgiving of 2013 taking a train from Penn Station all the way to Port Jefferson in Long Island to vist him at one of the rehab locations he would stay during our relationship. Once visiting him, arriving back at Penn Station, I proceeded to go to TGIFridays, sat at the bar, ordered a tall cold beer and a dozen chicken wings. I guess it felt exciting to be with someone that had so many issues and so much baggage. Wow, it seems weird to admit that but I think that's what it was really all about. Oh and the sex, well that was really what hooked me if I'm being completely honest. So onward our relationship went until he began to get blackout drunk everyday and pass out at night. Sometimes he'd pass out in our (my) queen sized bed, laying diagonally and I wouldn't be able to move him, so I'd fall asleep in a chair. Seems so pathetic now that I think about it. Was the sex really that good? At that point, it was non-existent, so no, it was not good anymore and why I put up with him I'm not sure. My last cooking job in 2013 was a well known restaurant in the Lower East Side and the hours were intense. I was living far North in the Bronx and would need to be there by 10am. I actually took the job as a prep cook, although by that point I was more than capable to cook on the line as I had done in so many restaurants around the city. It was just one of those opportunities that I felt like I had to take a step back in order to possibly move forward. The shift would end after dinner shift and even after the kitchen upstairs was cleaned. The cooks were in the habit of having a beer and making sausage after dinner and cleaning, so I'd often still be there at 12 or 12:30 at night. He insisted on picking me up from work, since he was cooking at a restaurant in Long Island and would drive into Manhatten on the LES and he got into the habit of yelling at me if he had to wait a couple of minutes. He berated me almost every night all the way up to the Bronx. And yet, I still stayed. In 2014 we moved to Long Beach, Long Island and we had an apartment right across the street from the beach! I could hear and see the ocean from the front patio. It was glorious. All my life living in suburbia Florida and I finally had an apartment on the beach in NY. The blackouts didn't end and by May he was in his own world. I didn't even feel like we were in a relationship anymore. One night while blackout drunk, he called me a cunt. This was actually the second time he did it. The first time he did it, we were in the Bronx and I cried all night. I wrote him a note telling him that I couldn't be with someone that called me that and disrepected me so badly. He laid on top of me when he found the note and cried, assuring me that he'd never do that again. Well, here we were a few months later and I felt like I had to stay true to my word. So, I left in the middle of the night. He was so wasted, I packed to huge suitcases in the same room he was sleeping and he never even woke up. I wrote a note this time too. I wrote something along the lines of "I'm leaving and now you don't have to worry about hurting my feelings anymore". How naive for me to think that he actually cared in the first place but I'm an eternal optomist and see good in people even when it doesn't exist. That was May 2014.