Back to blogging

Well, almost 8 months have passed since the last time I blogged. Life really got hectic over the summer last year. I ended up working near Montauk during the second half of July and all of August. It was a great surprise to see the beach; definitely something I didn't think I was going to get to experience here in New York after moving from Florida. I broke up with my boyfriend in the beginning of August. Distance and too much work made all the uncertainties I had about dating him real. It seems pointless to work at something you don't really want. I continued back at the same restaurant that I was working at before I moved over the summer. I also kept my apt in the Bronx, so the transition was easy once summer ended. I did start dating someone new in October and we're still dating but don't live in the same town but this time, the distance actually works. We spend a few days together and then he goes back to his town and I stay here, work and couch surf several nights a week at friends' apartments. I think the arrangement is ideal right now because we're both trying to find a footing in the culinary world. I'm at a new restaurant now, in Chinatown. The area is so great. I love all of the markets with their dehydrated....everything! Oysters, scallops, mushrooms...everything dehydrated. I put my two weeks in at my other job and the chef fired me the next day. Money is as tight right now as it was when I first moved to New York. My sister sent me money, my boyfriend gave me money. My credit card balance is increasing every week as I need to put money on my Metro card. I let myself go crazy over it for a couple of weeks and now that I've began working again, I'm starting to feel better and a little more at ease. I get my first paycheck in two days and hopefully in a month, I'll be in a better financial state. I feel like everything that is happening to me here is still teaching me lessons that I never learned. The pure lack of control of money is proving to be a massive lesson that I'm learning. I was brought up in a household to be proud of money earned because both of my parents came from Brazil and valued every penny they earned but for some reason I put a lot of focus on money. After graduating from college, I had so many thoughts of earning $50,000...$60,000...etc etc and I did reach a point where I did well and I felt so proud and confident and then I went to culinary school and became a cook. Now I'm back at the bottom financially but I'm trying to learn that money can't be tied to my happiness. I need to be happy and feel fulfilled without money in my bank account. That has been the hardest lesson for me to learn but its one that is being forced upon me every day and I'm determined to learn this lesson.

Happy 4th of July....8 months in NY

8 months in NY and things are looking up! I found a little apartment today in the Bronx. Its far North in the Bronx but I don't think its too far from where I work. It's a commute from Astoria, where my friends are and my boyfriend is but at least I have my own place. I move at the end of July in a couple of weeks. Its a small apartment that has a kitchen, a bedroom and a bathroom. Its located on the second floor of a house. I like the area; I thought it looked like Astoria which I thought was funny. I'm excited to have my own place. Its still not ideal but I'm slowly getting closer to how I want to live in this great city.

One if my main thoughts that helped lead me to getting a divorce was the fantasy of having my own place, which I've never had. I went from having roommates in my early twenties to being married at 23 and living together for eight years. So, eight months of living in NY and I'm achieving an enormous goal that I secretly set for myself last year. I think that's pretty damn good!

My relationship with my boyfriend is nicely progressing. The more time we spend together the better it gets. I think we'll figure out the distance issue with me moving to the Bronx, but I guess time will tell. I'm trying to go with the flow and take things as they happen instead of worrying too much.

Happy independence day to the USA and also to me!

The changes continue

So, I'm approaching eight months in NY and am facing my third move since I've been here! I've been at my current apartment for three weeks. The second week I was here, the landlord told me that my current roommate hasn't paid rent in a while and that I'm not allowed to be living here. She had a boyfriend living with her at this apartment, so I'm not sure why I'm not allowed to live here. I'm searching for a studio apartment but affordable places do not include the Astoria area. I've made a lot of friends in Astoria and have a boyfriend that lives near here but realistically I can't afford an apartment in this area.</p>
<p>I've got a second job cooking in the Hamptons for the summer. Its helped my income a lot and I'm having a great time out there. While I'm working there I'm staying in an apartment above the restaurant. Imagine six cooks and a bartender living together. Its more fun than we should be allowed to have. In the morning we stumble downstairs and go to work. After our shifts and after a lot of drinking, we find ourselves back in the restaurant kitchen in pajamas at 4am cooking burgers for ourselves. The joke is that the place is like summer camp for us cooks. I hope to be a part of it through September. </p>
<p>In the meantime, I'm trying to stay positive and not worry so much about everything. I hate not having a solid place to live and of course money is still a concern. I even worry about the guy I'm dating and if we're compatible enough. I need to learn to let go of the stresses and enjoy life for what it is. </p>
<p>I'm tempted to find a really cool job that combines my culinary and marketing experience. Something unique to NY. I moved to this city for opportunity, not to be just a line cook like I was in Tampa. I feel like my current job is a stepping stone. I'm getting closer to what I ultimately want to do. I love food but I miss the interaction with people.

My journey is in full swing here in NY. Sometimes I have to dig really deep to find the courage to keep going and not let the stress get to me. It's a weekly battle but I think I'm winning.

Seven months

Six days ago I hit the seven month mark of living in NY! In some ways it went by quickly; in other ways it feels like I've been in NY for a long time.

I've learned a lot in the past seven months. The first time being away from my hometown, my family and all of my friends changed me a bit. I'm currently in Florida visiting my family and my mom said I seem a lot quieter than I used to be. I have a friend that said I seem stronger. I think all of my subway rides amongst strangers that don't talk to one another taught me to keep to myself more. Also living with someone I had never met before and working 80 hours per week my first two months taught me to keep to myslef more. Being stuck with my thoughts and being completly exauhausted probably made me stronger too. I never depended much on my family and friends but being alone in a city like NY does something to you.

Seeing all the families on vacation and the lovers holding hands made me a little bitter and hardend me a bit and I think I carried that along with me. Not that its a bad thing but it did change me. I also got a hard time at my first restaurant where I worked for being from Tampa, so that was another little layer that got built within me.

In all honesty, I do feel very different. Being here in FL makes it more apparent to me. I feel a little out of place because I've been gone from everyone's daily lives. I feel like my life is very separate and far away from theirs. That makes me sad but I guess that's what happens when you move far away.

I keep asking myself why I moved. I moved for the reasons that most people move, for a better opportunity and advancement in my career, to change my life, to embark on a new adventure, to prove to myself that I can really acccomplish anything I want. I want to keep reminding myself the whole point of all of this. I'm happy but still not 100% happy. I'm not sure if anyone is and if this is an attainable goal. I wonder if there's something missing in my life. Would being a mom make me entirely happy? I'm 31, this is a realistic thought in my head. Is a career rewarding enough to provide that happiness that I'm looking for? These are the questions that I ask myself weekly as I watch the weeks roll by on the calendar.

Do I think about life too much?

30 Days to Find a Roommate and an Apartment. Ready, Set, Go!!

So I've been seeing someone for about a month and we've been officially dating for a couple of weeks. Things have been going good with him. Work is great. I've met a lot of cool people and have had a blast at various bars in Astoria. While everything has been going great, my life with my roommate has steadily gone down hilll.
She started giving me problems after my bf stayed the night on the weekend. She said having someone over stressed her out. My sister came to visit a couple of weeks ago and my roommate told me that stressed her out too. Since my bf can't come over, we hung out on the roof. She said I can't hang out on the roof anymore because someone might fall off and sue she and the landlord. She complained that I get home too late. I am a 31 year old woman paying half of the rent.....right??? So, swf sent me an email this morning telling me our living arrangement isn't working and that I have 30 days to move out. I really wanted to email her back telling her what a disgusting and inconsiderate roommate she has been. She doesn't always flush the toilet after taking a shit, leaves dirty underwear on the ground, tells me digusting things about her period every month, has clothes all over the apartment and wakes me up by talking to herself.
I've got 30 days to find a roommate and an apartment if I want to stay in Astoria or get a cheap place by myself in Brooklyn, the Bronx or Harlem.
I've been wanting to move out but hadn't really pursued it. Now I've gotten the kick in the ass that I needed. This is streassful but it's a good thing. 30 days.....

Six month anniversary

Today is April 4. I've been living in NY for 6 months now. I can honestly say that I am happy here and feel like I'm making a life for myself. I love the restaurant that I'm cooking in, have become close to my roommate, the apartment we share feels like home, I've made lots of friends, met a guy I like and I've seen a lot of the city. I'm happy here and wouldn't change a thing. The future is looking bright.

I've found it!

I've found it! I've found myself! Five months of living here and I'm happy now. It was a tough five months. Part of me was still in Tampa because I had the assanine idea to get involved with someone before I left. We gave it our best efforts, texting, messaging, sending naughty pics, talking about his plans of moving to NY but in the end, it didn't work out. I realized that I was so consumed on our future plans I wasn't living and enjoying the present. My thoughts were always on him and wondering when I would hear from him again. I think we both put in a lot of effort and we both exausted ourselves too. Now it feels like life is going 100%.
I've made lots of new friends, am hanging out with a guy that I'm wildly attracted too and life is finally moving forward....because I'm living in the present.