Pissing on the Parade

Alright! So, we're planning a trip to Mexico for January vacation. Apartment is booked, car rental and flight all booked. My guy was talking about getting machetes and hiking through the jungle; he was only half kidding. So hiking became a topic of discussion and his attitude was "yeah, cool, we'll go hike in a jungle somewhere. We'll figure it out." And my first thought was "lets do some research to see where to hike. Some where that might end with a cool view based on where other people have hiked instead of just stopping on the side of the road and walking through a jungle, only to come back two hours later half eaten from mosquitos and miserable." So, apparently I'm always negative. It's like I have to be extra realistic for the both of us. I'm waiting to look in the mirror and have the resting bitch face that some women have. I used to think it was their fault but now I'm wondering if it's a product of their environment from their relationship. Sometimes you have to piss on their parade. Of course, all of this discussion and these thoughts took place while we're running breakfast for a full hotel. That's another reason I don't recommend working with your significant other. You have these super personal, emotionally charged conversations and then a second later a guest is asking is for a scone recipe and I have to grit my teeth and smile. I'm straddling the line of my personal and professional life every minute of every day. I'll be expecting a trophy once this job is over. At least there weren't any guest complaints today! We got every extra set of keys back from the guests and there were only two late check-out requests. Woo Hoo!! So I was thinking that I should add some sort of food knowledge, since I have a lot of info in my head about food. I've been making popovers for the breakfast and did a couple hours of research on how to successfully make popovers. I've made about 200 at this point and here are some tips: 1) heat pans in the oven while making the batter 2) can use cooking spray on light metal pans but if used in a dark metal pan they won't rise 3) warm the milk before adding to the frothy eggs 4) they collapse because they are still raw inside. So cook at 400, once they've risen and begin to get good color, lower to 350 to finish cooking. 5) Prepare to feel victorious!!!

Memorial Day Weekend

Here we are, Memorial Day weekend!It's bringing back so many memories of summer 2012 when I cooked in Montauk. It's reminding me of how it felt to work in a beach town, conversations all focus on the beaches and where to eat in town. It has a vibrancy about it all. We've been having a lot of discussions about running the hotel after our contract is up next year. It's not easy 1) working with your significant other 2) living in an apt located at your place of work. We went through some tough months of a lot of bickering with one another, every answer had an attitude behind it, almost every conversation was pertaining to work. It's been a huge lesson to learn how to separate work and our personal lives. We had decided that it would be best to have separate jobs next year and have two full days off together because as of now, we don't have a day off. We work seven days a week and sleep with an emergency phone next to our bed in case a guest needs something. Now my guy is weighing the pros and cons of the job. We keep going back and forth about it. I think we're getting brave because now we have a full time employee to help relieve us from our 15 hour days. We're thinking "Hey, we could do this for a few more years" But I still very clearly remember how it felt to argue all the time and sometimes not be able to separate work from our personal lives because we were the only two people working at the hotel! Yuck. Guest complaint yesterday: "the water in the shower is not getting cold enough." I would never have thought, in a million years, that I would ever hear that as a complaint!! Also watched this guest's mom drink her coffee from a cereal bowl during breakfast. I couldn't make this stuff up.

Three years later.....Hi 2016!

Wow, so it's been three years since I've blogged! I'm sitting in my apartment, frustrated because I was venting about work to my boyfriend, who surprisingly, doesn't want to hear it! As I found myself wishing that I come back as a lesbian in my next life so that I can date women and have real conversations with my partner, I said to myself "Fuck it, I'll blog about it". Who cares if no one reads it, at least I'll be able to get some things out. So, I'll pretend that someone read my first posts and is dying to know what's happened in the past three years since I last blogged. Well, A LOT has happened!! I ended up living in NY for a total of four years. I cooked in eight restaurants, lived in Astoria, the Bronx, Long Beach, New Hyde Park and Mineola. Got my heart broken and found out what it's like to be in a relationship with an alcoholic. Got two more tattoos. Saw Snoop Lion in concert, dated someone with a child (which I swore I'd never do), dated someone else that took me to California, Chicago, Paris and Florida all in the span of two months, reconciled with my ex, now a recovering alcoholic and am currently living in Newport, RI managing a hotel! What a whirlwind it's all been. Wow, this blogging thing does make me feel better! It's like an online diary that's open to the public, what a concept! Had a couple of bloggers that stayed at the hotel for a few days and she said "you should start a food blog!" Which although I really appreciated it, I feel like there are so many food blogs currently online. I'm going to keep with the idea of just blogging about life and maybe one day, I'll turn it into a book! I'm going to try to include ridiculous stories about the guests that stay at the hotel because it's been so entertaining and I think it should be shared to bring joy to all. We've been managing the hotel since September 2015, we live on-site and have no kitchen in our apt, so we cook in the hotel kitchen and have zero privacy. We've got a dog and although I often want to give him a karate chop to the neck sometimes, he's been a ray of sunshine. We cook bfast every morning for guests and that's been my cooking outlet since taking this job. The guests love the food, take pictures and ask if we use caterers here. Some I tell that we cooked professionally in NY and others I just say thank you and keep it as our little secret. Let's see, guests are mainly pleasant and really awesome! We had one guest a couple of weeks ago bring us black and white cookies from NY! She asked on the phone if I wanted anything from NY and I said Hell Yes, Black and White Cookies and she came through! Brought 5 black and whites straight from the bakery in Commack, NY. We got a couple of free tickets to the Food and Wine festival and we ate our way through in two hours no drinking of course! Haven't drank since January 2014 and as long as we're together, I'll never drink again as a show of support for his sobriety. Guest stories: - A few weeks ago we delivered a breakfast basket to a room, which is what this hotel does when it has five or less rooms booked. They called the emergency after hours phone at 8:30am "appalled" at the bfast we brought them. They wanted jam, salt & pepper and milk brought up. Said something about breaking the law and false advertisement regarding breakfast. It's amazing how worked-up people get over something that's included in the price of their room. Their eyeballs were popping out of their heads from anger as they complained to me the next morning about the breakfast basket, the guy vacuuming the stairs the afternoon they checked in three hours early, they wanted "tea service" in the afternoon, I can't even remember all of the things they complained about. - Had a guest call the other day and get the rate for a room for a family of four. When I quoted him the rate, he began to barter with me. Saying "what if I leave one of my kids at home?!!?" "what if you only charge me for three?!?!" "Come on, give me a discount, work with me! What's your name??" And I just kept repeating "I'm sorry sir, I can't break the rules for you. If you show up with four people, I'm charging you for four people." He promised to call back at 8am the next morning. - Received a call from a guest complaining about the new website. "There used to be a calendar on the website and I could punch in my dates and search all of the prices and availability. Where is it??!!" All I could say was "I'm sorry ma'am we redesigned the website and it's no longer there" She says "Well that's stupid! I guess I'll have to call back and keep someone on the phone for 30 minutes when I have more time to call back." Yep, we'll be here give us a call. I think the phone is my current nemesis here at the hotel. People call all day and night. The phone doesn't stop ringing and it's half people just asking for rates and availability (they don't book) and the other half of the calls are people asking random questions that pop into their heads. Do you have a pool? (No) Room with a view? (We're in a residential area) How far are you from all of the shops? Beach? Mansions? What restaurants should we eat at? What restaurant can accommodate a dinner for 150? Pet friendly? How far are you from the Naval academy? Brown University? Should we visit Brown while there? Do people not research vacations anymore? Isn't it supposed to be fun to pick a spot to go and research all the things you could do? I'm planning a nine day vacation to Mexico right now and I've already got lists of restaurants, beaches and shopping to do while there. I'm reading Fodor's, Lonely Planet and Trip Advisor reviews plus the other HUNDREDS of websites of other travel info. WTF people. In other news, I received a letter from the IRS yesterday about my taxes not being filed correctly. I finally hired an accountant to do my taxes after doing my own for the past ten years and BAM, the IRS is trying to be a penpal. Also, haven't been on Facebook for about two months and I'm not sure I'm going back anytime soon. I've read so many articles about how social media like FB can make you unhappy, so suck it FB.

Back to blogging

Well, almost 8 months have passed since the last time I blogged. Life really got hectic over the summer last year. I ended up working near Montauk during the second half of July and all of August. It was a great surprise to see the beach; definitely something I didn't think I was going to get to experience here in New York after moving from Florida. I broke up with my boyfriend in the beginning of August. Distance and too much work made all the uncertainties I had about dating him real. It seems pointless to work at something you don't really want. I continued back at the same restaurant that I was working at before I moved over the summer. I also kept my apt in the Bronx, so the transition was easy once summer ended. I did start dating someone new in October and we're still dating but don't live in the same town but this time, the distance actually works. We spend a few days together and then he goes back to his town and I stay here, work and couch surf several nights a week at friends' apartments. I think the arrangement is ideal right now because we're both trying to find a footing in the culinary world. I'm at a new restaurant now, in Chinatown. The area is so great. I love all of the markets with their dehydrated....everything! Oysters, scallops, mushrooms...everything dehydrated. I put my two weeks in at my other job and the chef fired me the next day. Money is as tight right now as it was when I first moved to New York. My sister sent me money, my boyfriend gave me money. My credit card balance is increasing every week as I need to put money on my Metro card. I let myself go crazy over it for a couple of weeks and now that I've began working again, I'm starting to feel better and a little more at ease. I get my first paycheck in two days and hopefully in a month, I'll be in a better financial state. I feel like everything that is happening to me here is still teaching me lessons that I never learned. The pure lack of control of money is proving to be a massive lesson that I'm learning. I was brought up in a household to be proud of money earned because both of my parents came from Brazil and valued every penny they earned but for some reason I put a lot of focus on money. After graduating from college, I had so many thoughts of earning $50,000...$60,000...etc etc and I did reach a point where I did well and I felt so proud and confident and then I went to culinary school and became a cook. Now I'm back at the bottom financially but I'm trying to learn that money can't be tied to my happiness. I need to be happy and feel fulfilled without money in my bank account. That has been the hardest lesson for me to learn but its one that is being forced upon me every day and I'm determined to learn this lesson.

Happy 4th of July....8 months in NY

8 months in NY and things are looking up! I found a little apartment today in the Bronx. Its far North in the Bronx but I don't think its too far from where I work. It's a commute from Astoria, where my friends are and my boyfriend is but at least I have my own place. I move at the end of July in a couple of weeks. Its a small apartment that has a kitchen, a bedroom and a bathroom. Its located on the second floor of a house. I like the area; I thought it looked like Astoria which I thought was funny. I'm excited to have my own place. Its still not ideal but I'm slowly getting closer to how I want to live in this great city.

One if my main thoughts that helped lead me to getting a divorce was the fantasy of having my own place, which I've never had. I went from having roommates in my early twenties to being married at 23 and living together for eight years. So, eight months of living in NY and I'm achieving an enormous goal that I secretly set for myself last year. I think that's pretty damn good!

My relationship with my boyfriend is nicely progressing. The more time we spend together the better it gets. I think we'll figure out the distance issue with me moving to the Bronx, but I guess time will tell. I'm trying to go with the flow and take things as they happen instead of worrying too much.

Happy independence day to the USA and also to me!

The changes continue

So, I'm approaching eight months in NY and am facing my third move since I've been here! I've been at my current apartment for three weeks. The second week I was here, the landlord told me that my current roommate hasn't paid rent in a while and that I'm not allowed to be living here. She had a boyfriend living with her at this apartment, so I'm not sure why I'm not allowed to live here. I'm searching for a studio apartment but affordable places do not include the Astoria area. I've made a lot of friends in Astoria and have a boyfriend that lives near here but realistically I can't afford an apartment in this area.</p>
<p>I've got a second job cooking in the Hamptons for the summer. Its helped my income a lot and I'm having a great time out there. While I'm working there I'm staying in an apartment above the restaurant. Imagine six cooks and a bartender living together. Its more fun than we should be allowed to have. In the morning we stumble downstairs and go to work. After our shifts and after a lot of drinking, we find ourselves back in the restaurant kitchen in pajamas at 4am cooking burgers for ourselves. The joke is that the place is like summer camp for us cooks. I hope to be a part of it through September. </p>
<p>In the meantime, I'm trying to stay positive and not worry so much about everything. I hate not having a solid place to live and of course money is still a concern. I even worry about the guy I'm dating and if we're compatible enough. I need to learn to let go of the stresses and enjoy life for what it is. </p>
<p>I'm tempted to find a really cool job that combines my culinary and marketing experience. Something unique to NY. I moved to this city for opportunity, not to be just a line cook like I was in Tampa. I feel like my current job is a stepping stone. I'm getting closer to what I ultimately want to do. I love food but I miss the interaction with people.

My journey is in full swing here in NY. Sometimes I have to dig really deep to find the courage to keep going and not let the stress get to me. It's a weekly battle but I think I'm winning.

Seven months

Six days ago I hit the seven month mark of living in NY! In some ways it went by quickly; in other ways it feels like I've been in NY for a long time.

I've learned a lot in the past seven months. The first time being away from my hometown, my family and all of my friends changed me a bit. I'm currently in Florida visiting my family and my mom said I seem a lot quieter than I used to be. I have a friend that said I seem stronger. I think all of my subway rides amongst strangers that don't talk to one another taught me to keep to myself more. Also living with someone I had never met before and working 80 hours per week my first two months taught me to keep to myslef more. Being stuck with my thoughts and being completly exauhausted probably made me stronger too. I never depended much on my family and friends but being alone in a city like NY does something to you.

Seeing all the families on vacation and the lovers holding hands made me a little bitter and hardend me a bit and I think I carried that along with me. Not that its a bad thing but it did change me. I also got a hard time at my first restaurant where I worked for being from Tampa, so that was another little layer that got built within me.

In all honesty, I do feel very different. Being here in FL makes it more apparent to me. I feel a little out of place because I've been gone from everyone's daily lives. I feel like my life is very separate and far away from theirs. That makes me sad but I guess that's what happens when you move far away.

I keep asking myself why I moved. I moved for the reasons that most people move, for a better opportunity and advancement in my career, to change my life, to embark on a new adventure, to prove to myself that I can really acccomplish anything I want. I want to keep reminding myself the whole point of all of this. I'm happy but still not 100% happy. I'm not sure if anyone is and if this is an attainable goal. I wonder if there's something missing in my life. Would being a mom make me entirely happy? I'm 31, this is a realistic thought in my head. Is a career rewarding enough to provide that happiness that I'm looking for? These are the questions that I ask myself weekly as I watch the weeks roll by on the calendar.

Do I think about life too much?